And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
