dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
