She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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