my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
