Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
