Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
