Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
