he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
