I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
