Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
