I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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