Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
