Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
They have beer where we have blood.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
