I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
