why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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