she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
