So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
