i think my mom watched the whole time
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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