If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
