Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
