you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
