I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
