Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
