Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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