the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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