Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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