Do you still have your period?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
What drink are we having for lunch?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
