just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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