You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
