yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
