It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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