I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
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