having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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