Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
