If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
