All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
