i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
