"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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