we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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