i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
