I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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