Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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