Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
