I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
