I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
