So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
