I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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