It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We left the knife in your bed.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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