I CAN MOONWALK!
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
