Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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