my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
