i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
