Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You work out of a Hotel?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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