Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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